Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse Relationships Violence and Abuse Print Top Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse By Buddy T facebook twitter Buddy T is an anonymous writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. Learn about our editorial policy Buddy T Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on May 21, 2019 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on July 17, 2019 Kittisak Jirasittichai / EyeEm / Getty Images More in Relationships Violence and Abuse Spouses & Partners LGBTQ In This Article Table of Contents Expand Physical Emotional Behavioral Changes What Control Looks Like View All Back To Top Some of the signs of domestic abuse, such as physical marks, may be easy to identify. Others may be things you can easily explain away or overlookâ€"say, chalking up a friends skipping out on an activity you once enjoyed together as being due to a simple loss of interest. Domestic abuse affects each person differently, but it impacts everyone both physically and psychologically. Its often an aggregate of related signs of domestic abuse that tip someone off that a person is at risk. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of their social, educational, or financial status. While red flags arent always proof that someone is being mistreated in this way, they are worth knowing. Many who are abused may try to cover up what is happening to them for a variety of reasons, and it goes without saying that these individuals could benefit from help. Physical Signs of Abuse If someone is being physically abused, they will likely have frequent bruises or physical injuries consistent with being punched, choked, or knocked downâ€"and theyll likely have a weak or inconsistent explanation for these injuries. Some signs of physical abuse include: Black eyesBusted lipsRed or purple marks on the neckSprained wristsBruises on the arms Its also common for someone to try to cover up the physical signs with clothing. For example, you may notice that someone you care about is wearing long sleeves or scarves in the hot summer. Wearing heavier than normal makeup or donning sunglasses inside  are also common signs of domestic abuse. Abuse occurs when one person in a relationship attempts to dominate and control the other person. Usually, the control begins with psychological or emotional abuse, then escalates to physical abuse. When domestic abuse includes physical violence, its termed domestic violence. Emotional Signs of Abuse Domestic abuse, of course, can take a serious emotional toll, creating a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, or despair. Domestic abuse can cause people to believe that they will never escape the control of the abuser. They may also exhibit a  constant state of alertness to the point they never can completely relax. Other emotional signs of abuse include: Low self-esteemExtremely apologetic or meekSeeming fearfulChanges in sleep habits (sleeping too much or not enough)Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehensionDeveloping a drug or alcohol problemSymptoms of depressionLoss of interest in daily activitiesTalking about or attempting suicide These symptoms, of course, could be due to many other conditions or factors, but they are typical of domestic abuse victims who feel they are trapped in an abusive relationship. Behavioral Changes If you notice that someone who was once outgoing and cheerful has gradually become quiet and withdrawn, it could be a sign of domestic abuse. You may notice that the person: Is reserved and distantDrops out of activities they would usually enjoyCancels appointments or meetings with you at the last minuteIs often late to work or other appointmentsExhibits excessive privacy concerning their personal life or the person with whom theyre in a relationshipBegins isolating themselves by cutting off contacts with friends and family members Exhibitions of Fear People who are being abused may seem anxious or nervous when they are away from the abuser, or they may seem overly anxious to please their partner. If they have children, the children may seem timid, frightened, or extremely well-behaved when the partner is around. Although victims may not talk about the actual abuse, they might refer to the abuser as moody or having a bad temper. They may reveal that the partner is particularly bad-tempered when drinking alcohol. Sometimes, the fear a victim of abuse experiences is so intense they feel paralyzed to make decisions or to even protect themselves or their children. When the fear gets to that point, they will even turn down help offered to them by friends, family, or even professional protective services. What Control Looks Like Domestic abuse is not about violence, its all about control. If you notice that someone seems to be controlled or extremely manipulated in all areas of their life, it could be a sign they are being abused at some level. Here are some examples of control: Asking permission to go anywhere or to meet and socialize with other peopleReferring to their partner as jealous or possessive, or always accusing them of having affairsTheir partner constantly calls or texts them wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. The partner may even follow the victim to check up on them.Having very little money available to them, not having access to a credit card, or having to account for every penny spentNot having access to a vehicle Do You Need Help? If you are experiencing domestic abuse and these signs are all too familiar, know that whats happening to you is not your fault. You are not alone and help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for assistance. A Word From Verywell Helping someone who is the victim of domestic abuse is a delicate matter. By learning some of the warning signs, you can feel more comfortable offering a sympathetic ear and seizing the opportunity to help a victim of domestic abuse or violence.